My name is Andrea and I’m a mental health therapist specializing in maternal mental health. I stumbled upon specializing in this specific population due to my own battle with postpartum depression after the birth of my first son. To start off I would like to share some statistics in the hopes to help you understand how impactful this transition into motherhood can be for some new moms.
Research says that about 80% of new moms experience what is known as the, “baby blues” which bring a short period of 2-3 weeks of mood swings, irritability, sadness and worry. On the other hand, about 10-20% of new moms experience a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD). PMAD’s symptoms are much more intense and debilitating that can begin during pregnancy or the 1st year after childbirth. When talking about a PMAD its important to remember that it includes Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post traumatic stress or Postpartum Psychosis. Symptoms within each can overlap one another so its important to talk about how you’re feeling with your provider and take the necessary steps for getting the referrals you need.
With that being said I’ll start with my pregnancy stage…
The pregnancy stage for me was very tranquil I continued to exercise, eat healthy and stay on track of my weight. Towards the end of my pregnancy I began to feel more anxious about how the actual birth would be like. I was worried about pain and was determined to stick to my birth plan which involved having natural, no medication birth and also included breastfeeding for up to 1 year. I had everything planned in paper for how things were going to go. Looking back now I could see that I was already making myself have expectations about how things were going to happen and didn’t prepare myself mentally if things didn’t go as planned.
Birth:
I was 38 weeks pregnant and went for my check up to see how things were going. I had a tear on my amniotic sac and needed to give birth within 24 hours to avoid any complications, including the chance of infection. When the doctor told me this news all I could do was cry. The news that I was going to have a baby that day hit me like a bucket of ice-cold water. I became very nervous, had many thoughts about the actual birth and the amount of pain it was going to bring. I opted to have an epidural after trying so hard not to. That was the beginning of things not going according to plan, but I feel I took it well because he was born healthy and beautiful and that was all that mattered at that time.
Postpartum:
After we got home and started to settle down, I noticed myself getting very irritable with breastfeeding. This was something that I had planned on doing but I didn’t expect for it to be so hard. I remember getting very upset at myself when I was only able to pump 1 oz. It got to the point where I had to log everything. The time I pumped, the time I stopped, and how many ounces from each breast. I became very angry at myself for not giving my baby the BEST food he could possibly receive and felt guilty for having to give him formula. I started to compare myself to other moms who made it look so easy and started to think they were much better mothers than I would ever be. In the darkest times I felt resentment because now my time had to be only for him, but what about ME?! I felt I was losing the woman I used to be and she would never come back again. Instead I was now expected to be a slave to this little human. Bonding was also becoming increasingly difficult, to the point where I felt scared to be left alone with him. I felt that he was testing me each day to see if I would eventually “lose it”. The feeling of love was something that was not instant but instead was more like a sense of duty. I felt I had a responsibility to keep this little baby alive and safe but the feeling of love was something that was built through time. After about the 5th-6th months of motherhood is when I could sincerely say that I started enjoying it. I truly feel like the love was there but my head hadn’t gotten that message that was felt within my heart because I had a huge fog blinding me called postpartum Depression.
Often times I tell mothers in session that feelings of love don’t have to come right away and that’s okay. We sometimes dismiss that our behaviors and worry about every little thing are signs of love. Know that when you wake up to feed you baby after being exhausted, that’s love! Know that when you’re worried about their sleep or how much milk they’ve had, that’s love! Know that when you stay up late thinking about keeping them safe and googling things online, that’s love! Know that when you get angry because you can’t do it all, that’s love! Know that when you don’t sleep because you want to make sure they are breathing, that’s love! Know that to your baby YOU ARE PERFECT just the way you are.
One of the things that brings much hope to new moms is knowing that this condition is treatable and with time you will start to feel better. Recovery time depends on the severity of your symptoms and on the individual needs. Some of the things that can help you deal with this transition are:
-Surrounding yourself with supportive family and friends
-Talk Therapy provided by a mental health professional
-Support Groups for new moms
-Medication (Talk to your OBGYN or Psychiatrist)
-Getting 4-5 consecutive hours of sleep
-Finding time to exercise
-Eating nutritious meals
-Asking for help and accepting help from others.
Present Time:
It has been almost 5 years since my postpartum depression and since then I have birthed another beautiful baby boy. I do get melancholic every year on the birthday of my first-born, reminiscing and looking back on how far I’ve come.
I have turned my pain into my counseling practice in the hopes to help provide support, advocacy and education on Maternal Mental Health. Beyond the usual empathic support and compassionate listening, I want to help moms through their recovery and obtain lasting change in their lives, hence the birth of Mamay In Bloom Counseling LLC. I am so humbled and grateful to be able to be a part of other parents’ recovery every day and provide a safe place for moms to start their healing journey.
You don’t have to do this alone. You will feel like yourself again, have patience, don’t keep things bottled up and most importantly reach for help when needed. For more information on therapy and support group for moms please visit my website: www.mamayinbloomcounseling.com or you can call/text me at 786-465-3309.
Andrea Arauco, LCSW
